When Cody decided to join the Marines, it threw me for a loop. I'll be honest, I hated the idea, even his recruiter asked me what my deal was. Hated it. I was scared. Scared for him. Scared for us, even for me. I was certain he would go off and get himself blown up or our relationship wouldn't be able to survive the stress. These fears have not dissipated, they are simply not prominent right now. I knew from the get-go that there wasn't an option to quit. I couldn't walk away. He stuck with me when I left for Tulsa. How could I not at least attempt this? It was the only option. I love when people ask me if I thought about ending it. Of course the thought raced through my head. He chose something that was changing his life forever and as long as I was with him, it would change mine, too. I'm okay with that. For him, I am okay with the change.
The day Cody told me his ship date had changed, my body quit. I am still shocked that I didn't kill myself on that drive home. I wasn't even close to okay at that point. I was supposed to have another three, almost four, months with him and because some kid couldn't pass his fitness test, I lost my boyfriend to the Marines. I believe that was the best thing that could have happened. I had a total of 9 days to worry before he left and I was surrounded by people at school who helped me get through the days. Those three months were filled with so many emotions, but every letter I received reminded me why I was still there.
Graduation and family day were amazing. It was so great to actually be able to touch him and talk to him. He had changed. It took him a couple days to shake off the zombie, but it happened and we fell right back into place. A big adjustment had to take place for me at this point in time. I couldn't continue to pretend like I was accepting it. I actually had to do it. I had to be okay with it or it would never work. That was hard. A lot harder than I was expecting. With his help, I managed to realize that where we came from wasn't nearly as exciting as where we were heading. It was going to be one heck of a ride.
Cody left for boot camp over six months ago and every day since has been an adventure. We aren't perfect and I don't expect that; the speed bumps are what keep us interesting and on our toes. I see the looks I get from people when I tell them that my plans aren't set in stone, because I don't know his plans. They don't get it. They don't understand that when he signed those papers, he asked me to go with him on this journey. He didn't use his words to ask me, just by wanting me to show up at graduation still his, he asked. I didn't take my time and think about it, I threw caution to the wind, closed my eyes, and jumped.
 |
| How could you say no to this? |
Try having a three month old on top of all of that except living on your own. Most of my friends became non existent dues my pregnancy and college. All I had was a 3 month old baby, a few friends here and there, and at the time my family that was thankfully still living in colorado. Brandon and I had only been living together for 3 months. I had been living on my own for three months and then he got a call on a Friday saying he was leaving Monday, only 3 days later.... I was scared shitless. I had never been on my own before especially not on my own with a baby. I cried for days. I had always supported his decision to join the marines, after all both of my parents and half of my family are marines or other branches of the military. I just wanted to make sure he wasn't just doing it for the money. Money doesn't make happiness and I told him that over and over again just to make sure he knew that I would support his decision no matter what as long as he was doing it for the right reasons. As long as he was happy I would be happy too no matter the distance. Im not trying to top your story or compare our lives or anything like that. I'm letting you know that you're not on it alone. Us girls have got to stick together through this. It allows us to keep our sanity, give each other strength, and it helps us get through each and every day they are away because we all no that the second we close our eyes and just think about how it feels to have our man sitting right next to us, that it's all worth it. Im not one for blogging but keep writing I definitely wanna read more!! :)
ReplyDelete