Normal is for Babies

Disclaimer: This was written in the wee hours of the morning when unicorns exist, Santa feeds gnomes to Rudolph, and infants discuss nuclear physics. If it makes no sense, just shake your head, or your fist, and move on. :)


There I was. Laying down and trying to go to sleep for the 14th time tonight. My body is going to kill me when it's time to go back to school and I have to wake up at a decent, indecent if you ask me, time to get to class. I was thinking of the most recent dream in which the Marine was killed. New Years day I woke up at 0600 with that nightmare fresh behind my eyelids. I'm seriously hoping that isn't a sign for how 2012 is going to go. Not cool.

A thought ran through my head about getting back on track and getting my life back to normal. I'm pretty sure I laughed. My life is not quite normal, and by the looks of it, it's not ever going to be normal. The thought, though, brought me back to a conversation I had with the Marine earlier in the day.

I wanted to ask the Marine about the future. I like to pretend he's psychic and see what kind of nonsense he can come up with. Okay. I tease you. I was really thinking about graduate school and I wanted to know his thoughts on such an adventure. If I were dead set on going to graduate school right now, his opinion would mean very little. Not to be rude, but once I get my head onto some sort of idea, I rarely let go (hint, hint, Dad, I'm not giving up on this trip to Nepal..). Problem is, I'm not set on graduate school being the right idea right now. I have no idea where I will be in a year and a half.

The smartest solution I could come up with was to ask the Marine, clearly I'm not firing on all pistons. His wise words to help me solve my problem were, I did what I wanted and you had to deal with it. Oh thanks. That's helpful. In absolutely no way.

It did get me to thinking. Just not about graduate school. More about life. Which is always a dangerous topic. (Just a random side note, I just found my water bottle in bed with me, life is complete). My life isn't normal. I make plans based on a relationship as often, if not more, than I do on myself. For married couples, this is probably normal. For 19 year old college students, not so much.

If I so chose, I could have a normal life. I could back right on out of this relationship. Go to graduate school, or not, based on what I feel and want. Do things my way and my way alone. Marry myself a banker. Pick a city to live in. Picket fence, white in color. Little kids running around. It's an option still in my life. It will always be there. Even if I refuse to pick it, it's there. Except, I may not get a banker exactly. The Marine doesn't have that option any more. He gave up what most people would consider a normal life for something quite opposite.

Ask the Marine's little/big brother.
I signed up for this.

Ask me.
I was drafted.

Either way, it's a life I wasn't prepared for. A lifestyle I didn't ask for. Something I didn't want. It's not the normal I had planned, but that's okay. It's a life full of blessings. A lifestyle overflowing with pride and honor. Something I can't see myself without. Life throws you for loops. Everything changes. Too much stays the same. But in the end, it goes on.

On the bright side, I would happily (I might even skip) give up the classic normal in exchange for seeing the Marine in his cammies and Dress Blues more often (hint, hint, play dress up for me, Marine!).

Nope. I have no idea how I got from nightmares to graduate school to a normal life... It was kind of like 9 stories pieced together in one post. Just think of it as a quilt. Or a mosaic. Don't judge the sleep deprived.