Lonely

It's the space between my fingers that is constantly empty. The unanswered Skype calls. The nights where no matter how many times I roll over his shoulder is nowhere to be found. The days where couples are everywhere I look.

Those, and a million others, are the things that make this hard. It doesn't matter if I am surrounded by people, I still have days where I'm nothing but lonely. It may simply be because Valentine's Day was this past week, but it has been a rough few days.

Every night I toss and turn because I miss him. I want to turn around and see him standing there waiting for me to notice. I want to go somewhere and fill my hand with his. Mine on top, same as always. Or place my hand in the crook in his elbow. I want to sit down next to him and watch one of the worst movies we have ever seen. Because he always picks the bad ones. I want to ask him how he got all of his scars. For the nineteenth time. I want to stay up late and eat chicken nuggets with him. BBQ sauce for me. Sweet and Sour for him. I want to get in the car, in the passenger seat for once, and just let him drive with no goal in mind. I want to wake him up in the middle of the night just to pull him back onto the bed after nearly pushing him off. Again. I want to scold him for throwing Hamilton around the room. I want to just look at his pretty eyes. And ask him what color he thinks they are. Then tell him he's wrong. I want him back.

I miss him. Each and every day. It doesn't matter if we have been apart for 30 minutes or 3 months. The result is the same. I miss him and I'm counting down until I see him next. Every day he is away, I miss him more than the previous. I know that soon enough I will be reunited with him. That he will catch me randomly staring at him just because I missed his face. Soon enough I will feel his arms wrap around me in one of those heart stopping hugs. I know it will happen. Maybe in a few weeks. Maybe in a few months. I'm unsure when exactly, but I know it will happen. And I am so grateful that it will happen again.

Until the day comes where the Marine is mine again, I'll keep a smile on my face when I see other couples hand in hand walking across campus or around Target. I'll do my best not to laugh when somebody tells me they haven't seen their SO in a few days. I'll roll around all night and snuggle up to Hamilton until exhaustion takes over. I'll be okay until he's mine again. Lonely. A piece of me missing. Because that's really how it is. When he's not with me, there's a part of me missing. Dramatic, I know. But it's also truthful. I will be tough enough to handle it. But no matter what, I will be lonely. And I will be counting down the days. Always.