The Fungus

I recently read somewhere that instead of distance making the heart grow fonder, it often makes the heart grow fungus. Now if you are on the same page I was on, you're probably shocked. No! Distance doesn't make you dislike the sig o! Well at least not any more than usual ;) But what she was actually talking about was that we allow a layer of fungus to grow over our hearts during the times of separation.

I completely understand what she was talking about (read it here). Distance doesn't make me dislike the boy, in fact, it usually does just the opposite and makes me appreciate him. The fungus, though, protects us from the constant heartache of being apart. It doesn't give us sour feelings for the sig o, it simply allows us to continue with our lives without the constant reminder that we aren't quite full. A military sig o survival technique. Fungus.

I should have gotten the joy of understanding the fungus before Cody ever even made a final decision on what to do with himself. It should have set in when I first left for college, but it did a horrible job. The first semester we spent apart was rough; I missed him more every day and couldn't wait to get home again. By the time Thanksgiving came around I was wiped out. It's exhausting to be constantly missing somebody, so when he left for boot camp and the fungus set in, I was relieved.

I don't forget about him when the fungus covers my heart, I simply can think about him without my heart hurting. I can talk to him without needing him home, and I can be proud of him without being bitter. I don't love him any less and I definitely don't miss him any less, I can just continue with my life in a semi-normal state. The problem? I'm fungus-less right now. I have a clean shiny heart. Brilliant, right? Ugh. No. I don't want to get out of bed. I want to drive to Pensacola, plant myself in his room, and NEVER leave. Which I guess would mean I would have to get out bed, but that's a fair trade.

In just a few days the fungus will be back to take over my heart and allow me to continue with my daily activities with only the occasional reminder that my sig o is not near. I know it's for the best, it's impossible to accomplish anything in this state, but I can't wait for the moment when I get to remove the fungus and reveal the fondness.