Love/Hate Relationship

It started out as an innocent question, "What do you think about the marines?" Oh, simple. No. I am not okay with that, so try again. The boy was supposed to be joining the Air Force and he probably would have had he of studied for his ASVAB the first time around like a good boy. He didn't and because of that, the AF started playing games with him. It wasn't nice, but I was happy. I liked having him around and was not ready for him to leave for boot camp yet. Selfish Stephanie...

I've known for quite some time (read: the beginning of the relationship) that this wasn't just some fling. This wasn't going anywhere. We were stuck with each other. Willingly stuck. But stuck. That meant that when he left for AF BMT, I would write him letters and smile happily at him on the day of graduation. So when Sara texted me and asked what was wrong with the boy, I didn't think anything of it. I just asked if he was being cranky with her too because he was being mighty sour to me. Uh wrong. Cranky boy was signing with the Marines.

I was floored. I say it came out of nowhere, but I'm sure he just didn't let anybody see the thoughts that were running through his head. I was mad, though. I was mad that I didn't know about it and wasn't involved in the decision making. I was mad that I was being thrown on this roller coaster without my consent. And I was hurt. I wasn't signing the papers and there wasn't a marriage license on the table giving me any pull so I was stuck in something I knew nothing about it.

It took me more time than I would have liked, but I did come around. I love the USMC for what they have done for the boy. I love the camaraderie they have between each other. And I mostly love how they have made the boy better but left him alone otherwise. I am proud to call him mine and wouldn't ask him to ever give this up, because it is part of him now. But boy! I don't love the distance. I don't love the struggle it puts on us. I miss him. I miss seeing his face on a regular basis. And I miss being a normal relationship. It's wonderful and awful at the same time. A perfect love/hate relationship. I think the boy loves it because it drives me nuts when he doesn't get the opportunity... Precious.

In the end, it is always worth all the troubles. I know we are stronger for this and I appreciate him more and more everyday, but I miss him! The USMC has changed my life, although not as drastically. It has pushed it onto a slightly different path than I had planned. And it will all be okay.